A Couple Tips

After the honeymoon phase passes, it’s hard at times to stay the hopeless romantics in a marriage. Some couples discover there are asexual. Other become obsessed with intimacy and many don’t even bother with it. It has become a chore for them they can do without. And it’s very common to see husbands and wives become ‘roommates’ to one another compared to love-struck individuals who once couldn’t keep their hands off each other. So how do you keep the romance, spark and intimacy from dying? Check out our “couple’s tips.”

1. Stay More of a Mystery

Men are visual but they differ in what they want. Some men love women who expose themselves but quickly get disinterested in what they once found pleasing to their sight. Other men who are more the momma boys types are used to see a motherly figure in their places of comfort; homes. So, when they come home to a wife wearing skimpy clothes, it turns them off. They want something to be left to the imagination. Find out what type of man your spouse is and strike the right balance between being coquettish and an enticing mystery.

2. Set Boundaries

A healthy relationship needs boundaries to continue growing. For instance, my husband knows not to impede my career choices. I also know what makes him upset or could destroy our love for one another or marriage. So, we stay clear of these topics for the sake of half of our deen. We practice self-control and try not to change each other. We work on improving our individual persons instead.

3. Self-Care

Get in the habit to look good for yourself and not only for the husband. Your energy and light will shine through you if you pamper yourself for your own sake. This will definitely keep your spouse interested in you and you will have the upper hand in your romantic games. You’re the gatekeeper after all. You can choose to say, ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’

Original article.

The White Elephant – A Review

The White Elephant is a must read for anyone contemplating the idea of marriage or anyone going through a divorce. As the Love and Relationship Editor for Hayati Magazine, I try to counsel married and non-married folks on the institution of marriage. These tips usually stem from personal experience and/or the realities on the ground I have witnessed. So after reading The White Elephant, I can say that the author Aishah Adams did a great job at compiling things a Muslimah seeking marriage needs to be aware of when it comes to marriage and things she needs to look out for when she is dealing with divorce or marriage.

Adams has been through a challenging marriage before, so her advices are warranted. She is very experienced in the matter. Allah (subhanahu wa ta ala) usually tries us so that we can learn something from the tests. The author has and is now sharing her experience with others so that they don’t make mistakes too. She is also a Marriage and Personal development Coach at the Siddiqah Institute. In her own words, she ‘is passionate about helping more Muslim women have fulfilling marriages.’

To go back to the review, The White Elephant is divided into three parts. Part one is about ‘Before you step in’. This part includes three chapters that will help you make decisions as you consider marriage; the research you have to do, the compatibility issues you need to inquire on, and the compromise and not discounting or lowering your standards part you need to consider.

Part two is titled ‘And They Lived Happily Ever After’ and it’s far from the Disney or Hollywood Rom-Com happy ending we usually think of. This part deals with what happens when the wedding celebrations are over and reality sets in. This is the part when we realize that marriage is not a walk in the park or a picnic. It requires maintenance and sabr.

The last part is called ‘When the chips are down’. This is where divorcees and people facing abuse in their marriages can find solace and tips if they need guidance.

Adams also makes it clear that sex and intimacy are an integral part of a marriage. They shouldn’t be discounted or overlooked as they play a huge role in the happiness of a couple. Something, I allude to clockwise.

To continue, the epilogue of the book is composed of real life stories, interview style. Out of the four stories, one stood out to me the most. It was the one of Umm Bilal, mother of two kids. I really loved reading her answers. Read to find out what she said!

In conclusion here, The White Elephant launches on September 23rd and you can attend the FREE online book launch if you hurry. Click here. Contact the author through the Siddiqah Institute website to know where you can purchase your copy if you can’t get your copy on Amazon here.

Rating 5/5

Jazakh’Allahu khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar (Author of BLOOM)

Originally posted at Hayati Magazine.