The White Elephant – A Review

The White Elephant is a must read for anyone contemplating the idea of marriage or anyone going through a divorce. As the Love and Relationship Editor for Hayati Magazine, I try to counsel married and non-married folks on the institution of marriage. These tips usually stem from personal experience and/or the realities on the ground I have witnessed. So after reading The White Elephant, I can say that the author Aishah Adams did a great job at compiling things a Muslimah seeking marriage needs to be aware of when it comes to marriage and things she needs to look out for when she is dealing with divorce or marriage.

Adams has been through a challenging marriage before, so her advices are warranted. She is very experienced in the matter. Allah (subhanahu wa ta ala) usually tries us so that we can learn something from the tests. The author has and is now sharing her experience with others so that they don’t make mistakes too. She is also a Marriage and Personal development Coach at the Siddiqah Institute. In her own words, she ‘is passionate about helping more Muslim women have fulfilling marriages.’

To go back to the review, The White Elephant is divided into three parts. Part one is about ‘Before you step in’. This part includes three chapters that will help you make decisions as you consider marriage; the research you have to do, the compatibility issues you need to inquire on, and the compromise and not discounting or lowering your standards part you need to consider.

Part two is titled ‘And They Lived Happily Ever After’ and it’s far from the Disney or Hollywood Rom-Com happy ending we usually think of. This part deals with what happens when the wedding celebrations are over and reality sets in. This is the part when we realize that marriage is not a walk in the park or a picnic. It requires maintenance and sabr.

The last part is called ‘When the chips are down’. This is where divorcees and people facing abuse in their marriages can find solace and tips if they need guidance.

Adams also makes it clear that sex and intimacy are an integral part of a marriage. They shouldn’t be discounted or overlooked as they play a huge role in the happiness of a couple. Something, I allude to clockwise.

To continue, the epilogue of the book is composed of real life stories, interview style. Out of the four stories, one stood out to me the most. It was the one of Umm Bilal, mother of two kids. I really loved reading her answers. Read to find out what she said!

In conclusion here, The White Elephant launches on September 23rd and you can attend the FREE online book launch if you hurry. Click here. Contact the author through the Siddiqah Institute website to know where you can purchase your copy if you can’t get your copy on Amazon here.

Rating 5/5

Jazakh’Allahu khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar (Author of BLOOM)

Originally posted at Hayati Magazine.

Pants for a Muslimah?

Here is a touchy subject around the globe ... Can a Muslim woman wear pants or only dresses and skirts?

Well it depends on many things. Personally, I don’t wear pants outside the comfort of my home. I used to wear them outside but these days, I am so used to wear skirts and dresses that I feel very awkward wearing pants to go outside. I just feel naked if I try to put a foot outside the door, so I just don’t. But I do wear pants under clothing when Winter hits so that I don’t get cold.

So can she wear it? She can wear pants if it’s part of her culture and the dress on top is long enough to cover her behind.  Assuming that her clothes are not too tight and are loose. That said, some scholars will argue that she can’t under any circumstances. I think they exaggerate. I don’t like un-flexible point of views..borderline extreme… They based their argument on the hadith sherif that states that women that dress in men clothing are cursed and vice-versa. I think we know this wasn’t meant for women that wear pants conservatively but for men that have women mannerisms and clothe in women clothing and vice-versa.

A lot of them won’t hear this rebuttal of their thesis because there is also a cultural belief lurking in their minds; a woman who wear pants will become the leader of the family. ‘Nonsense.’ *wink*

In addition, they will agree that she wears pants privately where noone can see except them. Whether she hides it from people or not, she still wears them so how come she is not leading the home according to ‘your standards’? Ah, she leads the family anyways. She is just discrete about it and lets you believe you’re in charge... She is the moon and you’re the sun. *wink*

I can’t recall all the details of the story I am about to tell you but I read somewhere that a lady was near the prophet (sallalahu aleihi wasalam) and she fell. I think she was on a horse. Maybe a donkey. He turned his head so that he couldn’t see her privates. Later, his companions around him told him that they didn’t see anything because she wore pants under her clothing. He then prayed for her and any woman who does the same to protect her privates. See, women can wear pants! Having said that, it is not said that it’s compulsory to hide your pants. It’s just preferable and it has more barakah (blessings).

What do you think of women wearing pants? Please share your thoughts!

Papatia Feauxzar

Originally posted here .