Low Maintenance Sisters-What He Should Know Before Anchoring

Bismillah,

A low maintenance sister is a sister who appreciates the simple joys of life. She’s drama free and the majority of the time because opposites attract, a high-maintenance brother (let’s say drama-queen fella) anchors his boat to her because she’s a beacon of some sort he couldn’t pass.

So if you’re a low maintenance sister like many out there (I might be one too hehe  ) this is some of the things he needs to know. You are:

1. A Potato couch

He has to know that you enjoy nights in, sprawled over the couch watching something entertaining on TV. With him by your side enjoying a romantic movie, it would be bliss. Nights out are things you want to do every now and then to change the atmosphere. Not a-seven-day a week affair. Dude, our life would be like living in a hotel. You need to make memories in your new home. Plus, the bachelor life is over after marriage.

2. An attention seeker

You’re only an attention seeker for him. For other not halal guys and men for you, you put your unsocial face up pretty quick! He should appreciate your romantic efforts. You don’t have to play that game and make him feel special in your eyes.

3. Impatient,Timely, and Fast

He needs to know that you’re the type of girl that gets in the store to get a bucket of ice cream, for instance, and leaves the store with exactly a bucket of ice cream. Except on certain occasions. He shouldn’t be the one indecisive in the relationship. It should have been you and you ain’t. So no excuse! lol!

You’re timely and arrived at  rendez-vous  before the time. So he shouldn’t count on your ‘forecasted’ tardiness to pick the best ‘husband material thawb’ from his closet! He needs to know that punctuality is a very attractive trait for ya  …

To close here, all you need is a little over five minutes to throw an abaya and scarf on and you’re ready to roll. Akhi, you won’t need to huff and puff while I get ready. I’ll be out pronto!

4. Not the common trophy wife

You know how to be a shinny dime and you ‘is’ the muse, the chef, the maid, the janitor, the seamstress, etc. of the house. But he shouldn’t except to see you wear your wedding ‘cinderella’ clothes seven days a week! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Simply chic is your best ensemble and fits you (some people would say for better and for worse right?). Dude, you should be grateful for that! You don’t want us starting to ask for the moon and stuff .

5. A penny pincher, easy to please, but you frown on slackers

He needs to know that you won’t care to use off brand toiletries 364 days a year, but there is this one day where you will care for a particular brand because it’s better and of quality or just for sake of pampering. He should just get it and not ask questions.

And oh, just because you’re laid back doesn’t mean he can’t surprise you or step up his game by showing you some genuine love once in a blue moon. Tell him, ‘just don’t get too comfortable, and I promise I won’t let go of myself.’ Haha!

May Allah help you find decent spouses ya single and searching uktys! Ameen! 

Jazak'Allah khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar

Originally published at Hayati Magazine and my blog .

P.S Pansies are easy to grow and plant.

Reasons to Get Hitched

Bismillah,

There are many reasons not to rush into marriage and I’ll touch on that on another post. But in the meantime, here are some reasons why you should get hitched.

1. Anger champion

“In the second century AH, there was a righteous man called Shu`ayb ibn Harb, who used to fast and spend his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told her humbly, “I am a bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who makes you lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a woman who was intelligent, wise, and mature. He immediately said to her, “You will be my wife.” (The Ideal Muslimah p.82).

The lesson you should get from this is that if you can handle the heat, go ahead and get in the ‘kitchen’ and prove your mate that you’re an anger management champion. By kitchen, I mean marriage* wink*. That said, I’m not telling you to stick with a man that beats you. Domestic violence is not to be tolerated.

2. Ego Fender

Often times, I have heart to heart discussions with non-Muslim friends who are die-hard feminists. The main thing I noticed with them across the board is that they have a huge ego, no offense. They despise the idea of submitting and humbling yourself to Allah. They equally hate the fact that a Muslim woman has to ask for permission from her spouse to do certain things. For us it comes down to humbling ourselves and seeing the big picture,Jannah. That doesn’t make us weak, it makes us good servants, smart and patient. If you can swallow your pride in many hard situations you face in life, you’re an ego fender and you should get hitched. Besides, pride is what got shaytan kicked out of heavens.

3. Hopeless Romantic

So you fantasize on blissful love as a single. You should get married before zina temps you. That said, don’t think marriage is only about that. Marriage can also be like the fights you have with your college roommates because they don’t clean or didn’t pay a certain bill. You get the gist.

4. Allah mindful

Marriage is half of your deen and you heard it tons of times. For his sake and love, you should get married.

Above all, marriage is fun and rewarding if you put the time and effort in. Don’t go in thinking it’s going to be a walk in the park. May Allah help you find a worthy mate and bless your union, ameen.

Jazak'Allah khair for reading. 

Originally posted at Hayatimagazine.com

Reasons Not to Rush into Marriage

Bismillah,

Nowadays, the ummah has a high rate of divorce. This is partly due to the fact that people rush into marriage without understanding what marriage entails or seeing the big picture. Marriage is about love yes, but it’s also about dealing with another being crowding your personal space. Moreover, marriage is about commitment, picking your battles, agreeing to disagree, learning to forgive, and much, much more.

So what are some reasons not to rush into marriage?

1. Jealousy

So the person you have your eyes set on is very jealous of another potential candidate. Don’t get married because it will make him or her confident of the basis of your relationship. You’ll have trust issues if you do that. Just let things run their normal course and arrive at your decision to get married when the water is calm. Remember to doistikhara and pray to see the light if you get unfavorable results.

2. I don’t want to commit zina

Some people get married so that they can finally experience intimacy. I commend you if you wait for marriage to be intimate but don’t let that drive you to marriage. In doing so, you’ll be blindsided by other issues you should have paid attention to. What if you’re marrying a phony? You would have failed to catch that because all you were thinking about was halal romance at last. Just be careful. Adjust your priorities so that you can think clearly.

3. I’ll be a better spouse or person when I’m married

Many people think that marriage will change them overnight. If you take a step in being a good spouse, you’ll be a good one. It is not going to drop on your lap. It’s not magic. It’s what you put in that you get back! Be realistic!

4. Looks

‘Oh masha’Allah, X looks good! I need to marry X at all costs!’ Sadly, many people think that and then realize they’ve made a huge mistake. They later grasp that X is not a good Muslim. X is arrogant. X is a bad spouse. X is etc. Find an X that’s easy on the eyes and also beautiful on the inside. Nothing says you can’t have both!

This is not an all-inclusive list but it’s a pretty good golden rule. If you ignore all these signs and still get married, you’re definitely in for a roller-coaster and I hope you can handle it because not every couple is strong enough to see past the tornado. Be ready to put the effort in to see it succeed. Marriage is never all blissful love because it’s about hard work. And when something seems too easy, you should be skeptical and think, ‘What’s the catch?’

So before you head into it, make sure you don’t expect a picnic! May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala  make our marriages successful, ameen.

Jazak'Allah khair for reading. 

Originally published at Hayatimagazine.com