The White Elephant – A Review

The White Elephant is a must read for anyone contemplating the idea of marriage or anyone going through a divorce. As the Love and Relationship Editor for Hayati Magazine, I try to counsel married and non-married folks on the institution of marriage. These tips usually stem from personal experience and/or the realities on the ground I have witnessed. So after reading The White Elephant, I can say that the author Aishah Adams did a great job at compiling things a Muslimah seeking marriage needs to be aware of when it comes to marriage and things she needs to look out for when she is dealing with divorce or marriage.

Adams has been through a challenging marriage before, so her advices are warranted. She is very experienced in the matter. Allah (subhanahu wa ta ala) usually tries us so that we can learn something from the tests. The author has and is now sharing her experience with others so that they don’t make mistakes too. She is also a Marriage and Personal development Coach at the Siddiqah Institute. In her own words, she ‘is passionate about helping more Muslim women have fulfilling marriages.’

To go back to the review, The White Elephant is divided into three parts. Part one is about ‘Before you step in’. This part includes three chapters that will help you make decisions as you consider marriage; the research you have to do, the compatibility issues you need to inquire on, and the compromise and not discounting or lowering your standards part you need to consider.

Part two is titled ‘And They Lived Happily Ever After’ and it’s far from the Disney or Hollywood Rom-Com happy ending we usually think of. This part deals with what happens when the wedding celebrations are over and reality sets in. This is the part when we realize that marriage is not a walk in the park or a picnic. It requires maintenance and sabr.

The last part is called ‘When the chips are down’. This is where divorcees and people facing abuse in their marriages can find solace and tips if they need guidance.

Adams also makes it clear that sex and intimacy are an integral part of a marriage. They shouldn’t be discounted or overlooked as they play a huge role in the happiness of a couple. Something, I allude to clockwise.

To continue, the epilogue of the book is composed of real life stories, interview style. Out of the four stories, one stood out to me the most. It was the one of Umm Bilal, mother of two kids. I really loved reading her answers. Read to find out what she said!

In conclusion here, The White Elephant launches on September 23rd and you can attend the FREE online book launch if you hurry. Click here. Contact the author through the Siddiqah Institute website to know where you can purchase your copy if you can’t get your copy on Amazon here.

Rating 5/5

Jazakh’Allahu khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar (Author of BLOOM)

Originally posted at Hayati Magazine.

Low Maintenance Sisters-What He Should Know Before Anchoring

Bismillah,

A low maintenance sister is a sister who appreciates the simple joys of life. She’s drama free and the majority of the time because opposites attract, a high-maintenance brother (let’s say drama-queen fella) anchors his boat to her because she’s a beacon of some sort he couldn’t pass.

So if you’re a low maintenance sister like many out there (I might be one too hehe  ) this is some of the things he needs to know. You are:

1. A Potato couch

He has to know that you enjoy nights in, sprawled over the couch watching something entertaining on TV. With him by your side enjoying a romantic movie, it would be bliss. Nights out are things you want to do every now and then to change the atmosphere. Not a-seven-day a week affair. Dude, our life would be like living in a hotel. You need to make memories in your new home. Plus, the bachelor life is over after marriage.

2. An attention seeker

You’re only an attention seeker for him. For other not halal guys and men for you, you put your unsocial face up pretty quick! He should appreciate your romantic efforts. You don’t have to play that game and make him feel special in your eyes.

3. Impatient,Timely, and Fast

He needs to know that you’re the type of girl that gets in the store to get a bucket of ice cream, for instance, and leaves the store with exactly a bucket of ice cream. Except on certain occasions. He shouldn’t be the one indecisive in the relationship. It should have been you and you ain’t. So no excuse! lol!

You’re timely and arrived at  rendez-vous  before the time. So he shouldn’t count on your ‘forecasted’ tardiness to pick the best ‘husband material thawb’ from his closet! He needs to know that punctuality is a very attractive trait for ya  …

To close here, all you need is a little over five minutes to throw an abaya and scarf on and you’re ready to roll. Akhi, you won’t need to huff and puff while I get ready. I’ll be out pronto!

4. Not the common trophy wife

You know how to be a shinny dime and you ‘is’ the muse, the chef, the maid, the janitor, the seamstress, etc. of the house. But he shouldn’t except to see you wear your wedding ‘cinderella’ clothes seven days a week! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Simply chic is your best ensemble and fits you (some people would say for better and for worse right?). Dude, you should be grateful for that! You don’t want us starting to ask for the moon and stuff .

5. A penny pincher, easy to please, but you frown on slackers

He needs to know that you won’t care to use off brand toiletries 364 days a year, but there is this one day where you will care for a particular brand because it’s better and of quality or just for sake of pampering. He should just get it and not ask questions.

And oh, just because you’re laid back doesn’t mean he can’t surprise you or step up his game by showing you some genuine love once in a blue moon. Tell him, ‘just don’t get too comfortable, and I promise I won’t let go of myself.’ Haha!

May Allah help you find decent spouses ya single and searching uktys! Ameen! 

Jazak'Allah khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar

Originally published at Hayati Magazine and my blog .

P.S Pansies are easy to grow and plant.