Tips to Be and Stay A Happy Mother

I recently picked a local magazine geared at parents in Dallas and an article by Christa Melnyk Hines caught my eye. She  is a journalist and the author of Confidentiality Connected: A Mom’s Guide to a Satisfying Social Life. She lists eleven characteristics of Happy Moms and I agreed with all of them. I will paraphrase them here and show how they relate to my Islamic personal life, at least since the birth of my son. Alhamdullilah.

• Lean on Community

Most of my work is done online and I lean on the support the online community of a couple social media platforms provide me. In her article, she points out that bonding with friends boosts a woman’s level of oxytocin; the stress reducing hormone in the body. In addition, I’m making an effort to also lean on off-line community; a very challenging thing to do for an introvert. Duas requested!

• Commit to Healthy Living

I sleep early, I wake up early, and I make time for self-care by pampering myself regularly with homemade cosmetic materials. This helps me stay energetic, boosts my self-confidence and self-image. I’m happier and definitely more patient these days. Alhamdullilah.

I went through an integrative nutrition health coaching program a couple years ago with Zeeshan Shah, IIN, of Eat.Drink.Pure whom I interviewed, and she strongly suggest to women and children to look at their Circle of Life from the School of Nutrition’s diagram below. A personal balance in all of these areas helps one have a more fulfilling life. I can attest to that at least since I pay more attention to them these days.

• Take Time for Personal Pursuits

I try not to stay stagnant in my acquisition of knowledge. I have a Master’s Degree in Accounting but I’m still going to school (Islamic and Secular) because I’m a student of life and that’s my personal pursuit; iqra. So, find your personal pursuits that have been shorthanded or sidelined and revive/reclaim them to be and stay happy in your life. Closure gives peace of mind.

• Nourish Yourself

Life is hectic but on weekends, I enjoy my time relaxing while making brunch. Why? Because I see it as a time to bond with my Creator, my family, my soul, relax and enjoy food bliss. Good food has a highly spiritual aspect. So, see cooking and nourishing yourself as a soothing and mediating moment not as a chore. As a matter of fact, this is my time of worship with only positive thoughts and continuous dhikr. We were created to worship in all our actions and cooking is one worshipping act I greatly enjoy. Masha’Allah alhmdullilah. Now, there is nothing wrong with a man cooking for you too *wink*.

• Laugh. Family Life Can be Funny

Life with a toddler is funny indeed! My son says a ton of hilarious things because at his age he takes things literally. While these Mommy Fails Moments make me consider how to approach the homeschooling process next, they help me loosen up and enjoy life as it is. Other suggestions include a satire, pictures and videos of good times with friends and family, and comedy films. Life is short, laughing moments are memories you can use to lift your spirits when darkness wants to pounce on you or pounces on you. That’s life. Sometimes you will be dragged to darkness without your consent, but will you make an effort to rise above it or conquer that dark moment and restore your happiness? I pray you answer, “Yes.”

• Follow a Spiritual Practice

This is a no brainer for Muslims. Allah said in surah 13, verse 28, “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” Hines says here, “Studies find that people who lean an inner belief are happier.” Making time to intentionally seek a sense of peace leads to a happier being. Meditating or silent reflection, journaling, or attending inspiring religious services are all part of this seeking sense of inside peace. Inspiring khutbas and halaqas qualify here.

• Practice Gratitude

Hines suggests writing down three things that one is thankful for daily including even all the smallest moments. She also cites a research done at Eastern Washington University here. “We have found that grateful individuals tend to be happy individuals and that grateful thinking improves mood,” said the researchers. I personally write down more than three things ranging from tiny to big, down daily because Allah says in surah 14 verse 7, “If you’re grateful, I will give you more.” Alhamdullilah.

• Get a Groove On

In this section, Hines suggest music which I won’t be suggesting unless it’s a nasheed *laughs.* Anyway, I listen to the Quran daily while working online because it relaxes me and helps me stay focused. It also helps me fight low spirits and stress. As a result, I always stay productive and on top of things. Alhamdullilah.

• Set Boundaries

This part is major to me because I’m prone to anxiety if I don’t set boundaries about who is and is not allowed in my life. If you’re too nice or too polite to tell people to back off a bit, you open the door for people to abuse you again and again, verbally and emotionally. DON’T DO THIS. Be firm. It’s an Islamic duty because it shows how steadfast you are when faced with very tough decisions.

• Access Good Childcare

I homeschool my son but when I need to pop in the office or any other place where having him in tow would hold me in contempt, I put him in a fun and reliable place to avoid the contempt and distraction he will bring me. Otherwise, him and I go everywhere on a daily basis. Then, I pray to Allah-al Waliyy and al-Wakil to watch and protect him in my absence. Finally, I go do my business with iman, tawwakkul, and peace of mind. This is important when you don’t have any family member who can help or is close by. So, search for one place now that will come in handy in emergency situations. If family members complain, ask them if they will fill the spot for you. It’s your Islamic right to have a nanny. Do what is in your best interest and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s not up to them. It’s up to you to decide your happiness.

• Avoid Comparison

Everyone has their own rizq, family rules, etc. Don’t compare yourself to others, you don’t know or see the full picture. If their happiness or successes bother you, lower your gaze and stay grateful for what you have been blessed with. “And We have made some of you as a trial for others: will you have patience?” It’s a test and our reactions go for or against our book of deeds. Be careful in retaliating in ways that will be charged against your book of deeds. Practice self-control, inspire people, don’t trigger their anxieties, make dua for them, be happy with your life and trust that there is enough sun for everyone. Allah is the best of Planners, and He will make you shine too insha’Allah if it’s good for you in this life and the next.

I hope this list is beneficial to you with the personal and Islamic touch. Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah accept, aameen.

Papatya*

Text Source: Dallas Parent May 2019

Picture Source: CNN

TAGS: DAILY LIFE, HAPPINESS, MOTHERHOOD, MOTHERS, SELF-CARE, SELF-LOVE, WOMEN

Original Source .

Why I like Ramadhan When Days Are Longer

Bismillah,

As a working mother, as soon as I log off/get off work (it depends of if I work from home) I have a second job to attend; Mommy and wife duties.

And having Ramadhan when days are longer has its advantages for me.

1. Time to catch up with house chores

I have time to do house chores before the hubby comes home. From 5:30 p.m. toiftar time, I have roughly a little over three hours to cook, clean, and tend to the baby needs. If we still have leftovers from a previous day, I only have to step in the kitchen thirty to an hour before iftar to warm the food and set the table (I don’t use the microwave). If we ate everything from the previous days, it takes me an hour to two to bring the house down. Then Chef Papatia feels awesome that the ‘five course meal’ (soup, salad, entrée, side dish, and dessert) is ready.

2. Time to relax

Now, I have an hour plus to spare. If I haven’t performed asr yet, I do it then. I make sure I pray at least forty-five minutes before magrib time. Wouldn’t want to pray asr during forbidden times to pray, do we? After that I sit down and relax before the next wave of things to-do show up such as setting up the table.

3. Time to perform late night prayers

When I’m done eating, praying magrib, winding down in front of the TV, it’s close to midnight. This is perfect because the second half of the night is close and Allah is even nearer to us. So, I pray taraweeh and qiyaam no matter how difficult this is, taking comfort in the fact that I can pour my heart out to my creator. Masha’Allah.

By the time, Ramadhan circles back to winter when days are shorter, I would probably be retired and sending off a kid to college insha’Allah *wink* How about you guys? How are the long hours working for you?

May Allah facilitates Ramadhan to all you working mothers and non-working mothers,ameen.

Original post.

Riding the Samoosa Express: Personal Narratives of Marriage and Beyond

Riding the Samoosa Express is a metaphor to refer to the process of courtship, love, marriage and beyond. It’s a well written tale sampling the diversity and the different faces the Indian Muslim women contributors experienced.

These personal narratives range from very funny tales like Farhana Ismail’s father’sizzat (honor) demands and Somayya Hansrod’s mishaps in the kitchen to soul searching and self actualization stories such as the ones of Yasmin Denat and many other anonymous and non-anonymous contributors.

A very thought provocative compilation,Riding the Samoosa Express tell us that what may be true for one Muslim woman is not necessarily true or the norm for another Muslim woman. Each Muslim woman has a different life and a different culture. So some of these stories mirror the lives of other Muslim women around the globe while many don’t.

Many of the stories spoke to me. For instance, I felt the struggles of Zaheera Jina when she wished to be ‘Only Oomi’ to her son while battling a PhD career in Mathematics. Another story that spoke to me is the one of Nabeela Patel because of her open mind and religious tolerance of other faiths. I enjoyed her critical mind and the way she ended her piece:
“First, I need to blossom into a flower from a bud and settle into my own life. In this big, bad world I don’t know where I’ll end up, or who I will be, but I need to find that out first. I need to fathom the complex me, settle into my skin and breathe…”

She used the right words to seal the deal with me.
In conclusion, Riding the Samoosa Express is a must and a good read!

Originally published at www.papatia.wordpress.com .