What Do Most Women Want From You (The Men We Love)? It's simple; Jannat al-Firdaws by your side insha'Allah. Will that be hard for us to do? Yes. Why? Because some of us tend to loose our patience with you men. And the coming hadith was true at least a few times in my marriage. I'm not a perfect wife and I made tawbah alhamdullilah because I know my Emperor is more than generous masha'Allah.
Bukhaari and Muslim narrated from Ibn `Abbas (may Allaah be plesead with him) that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said: "O women, give charity, for I have surely seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell." They asked, `Why is this so, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "Because you curse too much, and are ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husbands)." According to another report given by Bukhaari, he said, "because they are ungrateful for good and kind treatment. Even if you treated one of them (these ungrateful women) well for an entire lifetime, then she saw one fault in you, she would say, `I have never seen anything good from you!" (The Ideal Muslimah, pg.93)
So I own it. I've done it and I know many have done it out there. I have doubt sometimes because judgement day will be so meticulous that even some of the prophets (aleihi salam) will think they won't get into Jannat. So who am I think that I'm already guaranteed it? I'm no one. In fact, I'm no accountant compared to HIM. However, I do my part as well. For that, I know I will be rewarded insha'Allah for a woman came to ask the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam, about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, "Do you have a husband?" She said, "Yes." He asked her, "How are you with him?" She said, "I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me." He said, "Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell. (The Ideal Muslimah, pg.86)
Now, what would push a woman to say ungrateful things to her husband every now and then when she knows well he provides fully for the family or tries but still comes up short at times? A few scenarios run through my mind but in my opinion the main reason a woman would say something that hurtful which could cost her an eternal and blissful after-life is perhaps because her husband tend to gift her common gifts and not specific gifts. I know, she should be grateful and to some extent she probably is. But who doesn't like to feel extra special every now and then with a gift that is not intended to the household, the parents, or the children? Everybody!
So what consists of a specific gift? A specific gift includes for instance, a treat at the spa. A common gift is with no mistake a vacuum! A specific gift is giving her the moon. And for each woman the moon would be different. Therefore, you have to know your woman. A common gift is taking care of your assigned divine duties like paying the rent or the groceries and mistaking that for specific gifts. If that is a specific gift, a woman cooking food everyday for her family would be a specific gift. Her doing her duties is a common gift. Let's get this straight.
Where am I going with these ramblings? A marriage is a team work. Each of us is a garment for the other. We compliment each other. All I'm saying is that you help us get there (paradise) with you. Be fair to us women. Be mindful and less challenging. Happy wife, happy life.